i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
