We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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