he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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