Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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