Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
