the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
