I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
