is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
