The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this will be a night to untag.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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