You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
