Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I love you.
Bad choice
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
