So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
