I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
