they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
