By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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