Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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