u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
