I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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