How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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