I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
