A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
