he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
