Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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