I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
