How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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