Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
