oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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