just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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