So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
