my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
