Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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