that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm at about main and main street
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
