She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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