i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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