Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
