No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
