I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
