Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
