I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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