so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Everyone says I win the strip club
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
