I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
