Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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