At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
