That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
