he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Last time i carry you out of a forest
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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