I think I died a long time ago.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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