is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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