I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
