I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
