so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
