Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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