I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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