You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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