i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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