Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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